I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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