Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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