Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
