Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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