so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
