I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
