So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
