Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
