sarcasm needs its own font
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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