I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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