I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
