the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
