Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
