worst night to have a conscience
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
