I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize