a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
