some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
