We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
