i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
