Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
