I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
