xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
