Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
