hell yes lets make some ravioli
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
