ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
