I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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