ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
