Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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