There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
