I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
