he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You are the jesus of drinking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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