Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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