Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
