I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
