it wasn't lemon gatorade
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
