If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
