O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
