worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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