I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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