And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
