Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
