why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
