Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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