My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
