..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
