My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
