I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
