dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
