My sheets look like a crime scene.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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