Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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