ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
