I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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