Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
