but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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