It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
