just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
