i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
