Pregnant stripper...not hot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
