My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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