I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
