I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
