Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
