I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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