Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
