The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
being pregnant is like rehab
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize