Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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