I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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