Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
