Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
