This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize