I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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