There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
