if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
