Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
