When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
