Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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