you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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