I bet he comes in French.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
