Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
