Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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