I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
