2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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